We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
