There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
