i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
