Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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