I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
