Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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