i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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