so explain again why im purple
no
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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