Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
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so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
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We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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