My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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