Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
