You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
