oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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