I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
