you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
