Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
