Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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