I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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