Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
