I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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