I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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