You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
