i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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