Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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