you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
