I hate all girls vehemently.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You know, be my cock's hype man.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
