i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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