I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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