Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
