This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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