I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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