anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
