Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
