I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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