I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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