Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
