This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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