I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
