Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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