Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My dick has a subreddit
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
