Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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