I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
