sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
