I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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