its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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