dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
