Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
