"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
