Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
