My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
