found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize