Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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