Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I want to be your penis for a week.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I think my moral compass just broke
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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