when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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