It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
