Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
