I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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