now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
