Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
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Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
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But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize