I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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