I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
