Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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